A Gilmore Girls' Guide to Dating - Breaking Up
More relationship lessons, as taught by those delightful Gilmore girls
Lesson 1: It’s OK to break down and snot up the bed. In fact, it’s healthy.
Lorelai Oh yeah, get back in your pyjamas, go to bed, eat nothing but gallons of ice cream and tons of pizza, don’t take a shower or shave your legs or put on any kind of make up at all and just sit in the dark and watch a really sad movie and have a good long cry and just wallow. You need to wallow. s01e17 The Breakup, Part 2
Witness the same after Lorelai’s break-up with Luke, where she confines herself to solitary bedrest, ended only an ill-advised Streisand-induced answerphone message to Luke and the immediate need to sneak out and steal the same.
Lesson 2: It’s OK to run away. Distractions can be helpful.
Escaping her broken engagement with Max, Lorelai takes Rory and the Jeep on an impromptu road trip, encountering a cat-infested guest house and the Harvard campus. Both girls re-focus their direction, Lorelai to what she wants from her inn and Rory to college.
Lesson 3: To Box or Not To Box?
After Rory’s catastrophic response to her first ‘I love you’, she boxes up everything Dean gave her, everything he ever touched, including books, clothes and the innocent Colonel Clucker.
Rory No, take it out of the house. Throw it in a dumpster, burn it, I don’t care. Just - I want it gone. Lorelai You know, honey… Some day, when all of this is in the past, you may be sorry that you don’t have some of these things any more. s01e17 The Breakup, Part 2
Instead, Lorelai hides the box in the cupboard, alongside her own box containing stuff from Max. Which turns out to be the right thing to do since Lorelai is able to later return Max’s book and Rory ends up back with Dean. For a while.
Lesson 4: There’s a right (and a wrong) way to end it.
Ah, Jess. Rory and Jess show us two, or maybe three good ways to end things, which end up colouring the way they pick it up the next time. Their first attempt at friendship ends when Jess crashes her car and flees to New York. He still calls, she goes to find him, gets a sense of closure and moves on.
Second time, unable to let go, he comes back and they officially start dating but he fails Rory by failing school and unable to buy tickets to homecoming, runs away to find his dad in California. This time he calls but can’t bring himself to talk and she ends it – not madly, not unkindly – thus:
Rory (on the phone to a non-responding Jess): I think… I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let it go. So, that’s it, I guess. Um, I hope you’re good. I want you to be good, and, um, okay, so, goodbye. That word sounds really lame and stupid right now, but there it is. Goodbye. [Rory hangs up. Jess hangs up the payphone and walks away down the boardwalk] s03e22 Those Are Strings, Pinocchio
After a few years of not hearing from her, he shows up again as a small success – although Logan’s on the scene and Rory has to come to terms with what she really wants from life, as well as love. With time and distance, Rory and Jess can now give each other what you’d want from a friend: encouragement, support and love.
Jess You know what I mean. I know you better than anyone. This isn’t you. Rory I don’t know. Jess What are you doing? Living at your grandparents’ place, being in the DAR, no Yale… why did you drop out of Yale?! Rory It’s complicated. Jess It’s not! It’s not complicated. s06e08 Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out
Conversely, Logan’s departure after the public embarrassment of his declined marriage proposal leaves a stink behind, but isn’t that what you’d expect from a Huntzberger?
Rory But we could at least try? Logan What’s the point? Rory … so… Logan … so… [Rory takes the engagement ring and he begrudgingly takes it back] Goodbye, Rory. s07e21 Unto The Breach
But then talk about keeping distracted – she lands a job in the news corps following pre-Presidential Obama. But where do you think her head goes when she’s lonely in her hotel room each night?
Lesson 5: Staying friends.
Rory and Jess did it, after a peaceful ending and helped with distance. Lorelai’s tactic with Luke is more head-on, taking him car shopping. Lorelai is so particular and Luke so frustrated with her that he vents his honest feelings, clears the air and feels so guilty about it that he gets her what she wants. Because they do still love each other, they just maybe aren’t in love with each other right now. It’s do-able, because they’re being open and honest.
Lesson 6: …Don’t break up.
It’s an option! After all, who’d have thought Paris could be talked out of dumping a guy, by the guy?
Paris What are you talking about? Doyle I love you, Paris Geller. You are the strongest, most infuriating, most exciting woman I have ever met in my entire life, and there is no way I’m gonna let you go. s07e19 It’s Just Like Riding A Bike
But then, as Rory points out, ‘Doyle’s not just some guy.’
So, tell me. Ecclesiastes (and Footloose) assure us that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh, a time to weep. A time to mourn and a time to dance. Do you agree that there’s a time to wallow?
Do you think Jess was qualified to comment on Rory being with Logan?
Box or no box?
Will Rory and Logan ever see each other again?